Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Seriously scared

So I really don't know what's going on. I am not able to drink enough to sleep. I am not able to be sober enough to function. I don't remember telling my parents I would come over today, but I got a text at 5ish asking if I was coming. I didn't know what to say. I only said that I wasn't doing well and not able to function. He said they wanted to have me there because they couldn't do much with me here. That was about how honest I could be. I said that I couldn't remember that I was going anywhere today. I would come Thursday and try to explain. I tried to word the texts to give the impression I am very sorry and just not functioning. I said in my last post that my therapist was going to call if I didn't say I was basically drinking myself to death. I may have to tell them Thursday because I don't know how else to explain that I honestly don't remember saying I would be there tonight. I said I didn't remember I was leaving my apartment today. I think my messages were vague but enough to imply that I am not well. My dad said they understand, which gives the idea they know that I am unwell. I think neither of us know what to do, so I think I have to discuss this before I have therapy. That's terrifying, but so is laying in bed drunk because I am not sober enough to function but not drunk enough to sleep.

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